Thoughts from the David Goldman building.

Seriously, whoever designed this building needs an absolute slap. I bet that Sunderland Uni approached a mackem tramp chosen at random, handed him a Gregg's Steak Bake and a Pencil and asked him to design the most ridiculous building imaginable. The tramp probably accepted the challenge and set about drawing. After that he probably offered to design the Uni's webspace for them, and the Uni probably accepted... It really is Piss Poor.

The place is a Bat's worst nightmare. It has no parallel lines, so echoes bounce round for about a year before they finally get back to where they came from It's ridiculous, every wall sort of heads inwards, causing some kind of horrible bottleneck designed to trap students whilst they desperately try to get to their lectures. It honestly looks like it's been designed using one of those bendy rulers and a Spirograph (Don't even pretend you don't remember those beasty things)

Some of the classroom walls aren't even finished, they reach about three quarters of the way up the room, and then stop. So, should you be unlucky enough to have a lesson in them, you can hear everything that's going on in the 'Library' section, which you'd think would be pretty quiet, but it's not. The whole place has one of those Swimming bath-esque echoes, You know the type. It's like a constant wall of faint noise, but every now and then someone's voice will cut through then disappear as quickly as it arrived. You half expect to hear the sound of someone diving in, or the sound of a lifeguard or something... It's very weird. I kid you not, sometimes I have to double check that i'm wearing clothes and that I haven't just turned up wearing some speedos... Ok... That's not true.

Anyway, I'm just going to say that The David Goldman Building is a personification of the people of Sunderland: Warm, Funny and Very Quirky... Wait... that's not true either... Scratch that, I'll change it to: Funny Looking, Inexplicable and Very Unpleasant.

Right then, that's my Obligatory crack at Sunderland out of the way... Next up... Certain people, whose names I won't mention because I'm scared of confrontation in the real world.

Facebook is involved in this one again and it kind of follows on from my last Facebook based rant, but it's not about the same dickhead person, before you ask.

Now, I'm no psychologist, But all I can decipher from the profile I'm looking at right now, is that this person is incredibly insecure about who they actually are, and as a result, they feel the need to 'bend' the truth about their personality.

The basis of their profile is basically "I'm pure independent and no one can tell me what to do"

If I'd never met this person, then I'd probably think that that was true, carry on with my life, and probably find someone else to be annoyed by. But, because I have met this person, it annoys me to read several different things that I've seen no evidence of in the year and a half I've known them.

Apparently this person is "Feisty."

They seem to think that they're this insanely outspoken individual who people'll think twice about confronting, but I've never ever seen this. I've seen confrontations with the person, where, more often than not, the other person has come away as the 'Winner' so to speak.

To me, 'Feisty' is one of those little yappy dogs that are all up in yo' grill (well... yo' shin, but you get the idea) but can be sorted out easily by giving it a swift kick over a hedge or something.

The main thing that makes me and a few others (they know who they are) want to push this individual in front of a bus is the mention of being in a 'Long Distance Relationship.'

Honestly, I have no problem at all with people in Long Distance Relationships, in fact, I respect them a lot for having the ability to make it work despite rarely seeing each other in person. It's just when people actually mention it all the chuffin' time, That's when it really starts to tickle my arse hair.

To me, it seems that you're mentioning it in order to obtain some kind of badge of honour that says you have strength and commitment to keep the relationship going. Thing is... The person in question lives less than 30 miles away from their other half, You can drive that in less than hour, therefore it's not long distance!

Christ on a Bike.

To sum up... The person I'm talking about is insecure, has completely false information on their facebook profile, and annoys the absolute hell out of me... so much so, I thought I'd give them a mention in my blog.

If you're going to lie on your profile, at least make it cool... Something along the lines of 'I'm a Centaur' is fine by me... That'd be sick.

In a bit skids!

Facebook to (re)invent yourself?

If you've ever done this, I actually hate you... and the person you used to be for that matter.

This is something that I've noticed countless times recently whilst killing some time on the pet-peeve creating, procrastination machine known as Facebook.

Essentially, it's all just one big popularity contest, so I guess it makes sense to a lot of people to create this alter ego that absent minded people who 'LyK 2 GeT PiSsD EvRy NyT lol x' will appreciate. BUT, recently I saw one profile that actually made me angry, especially as I knew the person used to be the kind of person that I described earlier.

In the 4 years since I've seen this person, they've gone from being Chavvy McChaverson to the definition of Profundity "I raided Dot Cotton's wardrobe and came away with all this old stuff that i'll continue to wear because no one else is"

Their music list consists of artists that they think no one has heard of, or will admit to liking...because they're alternative like that.

Their book list consists of a few authors with Japanese sounding names.. In High School, I'm not even sure they had the ability to read English, let alone scribblings from the Orient.

Don't even get me started on their photo albums. Apparently this person doesn't want to advance into the digital age with everybody else. The photos are actually taken on a film camera, and scanned into an album with a pretentious name.

Now, this is fine by me if you're actually a photographer, you know what you're doing, and you take pictures of interesting things that I want to look at. It's not fine by me when I have to see analogue pictures of you being an idiot in various pretentious settings.

The mindset of this irritating person can be summed up by the following quote by that politician Sarah Palin: "Only dead fish go with the flow" (That's right, I did some research for this blog! Well, I knew the quote, just not who said it) Not only are they an idiot for thinking that they're awesome for not going with 'the flow,' they're also an idiot for ignoring a basic zoological fact.

Take the Atlantic Herring, for example. These fish swim in groups known as a School (or a shoal, depending on the size) in order to increase their chances of survival. Now, I may be wrong, but I'd say that this is a pretty good example of going with the flow, no? It's pretty rare that one fish decides to don their Grandma's clothes, listen to a band that 8 people have heard of and stick his middle fish finger up at Herring society.

In the countless hours that I've spent watching nature programmes such as Planet Earth, and in Particular Nature's Great Events, I've learnt that the Fish that do go against the flow tend to wind up getting their heads bitten off by hungry bears... A fate that I would quite like to see befall the individual that I'm talking about.

There's my analogy... I know which group I'd rather be part of.

Only thing is... I actually have respect for those fish that swim hundreds of miles in order to spawn... Whereas it's clear to see that I have no respect for a pretentious retard in 1930's clothing.

Over and Out!

Thought of the day

I absolutely don't understand why North Eastern people say words like 'Path' and 'Bath' the correct Northern way. But when it comes to saying words like 'Master' and 'Plaster,' they say the incorrect Southern way.

It honestly confuses the bejeezus out of me. It's also pretty annoying when they tell me that I'm not Northern, because they'll regularly display more Southern properties than me.

Barstards. (See what I did there?)

Hope you're all listening to Seventh Wonder still.

Over and Out.

Bloggin' for the Lulz.

'Sup skids?

I haven't really got an idea of what I want to write in this Blog, so it'll probably be just a run down of various things that I've thought about since last time, which to be honest, isn't a great deal.

Oh my Jesus, this brew is top notch, if I do say so myself.

I've started using Twitter a little bit more recently. I don't know what it is, but I like the idea that I'm a part (a tiny one, mind you... like a washer, or something) of something big, that has the potential to be even bigger.

I'm still not entirely sure of the whole purpose of it though. Like...what does anyone actually gain from it?

I reckon a part of it is to simply make life that little bit more enjoyable. When I read people's updates, it always seems to me, that they're doing something productive and fun, And by 'tweeting' about it, it might encourage their followers to do the same... Maybe... I don't know... That's my theory, feel free to do better.

A little while back, I wrote a Blog, In which, amongst other things, I talked about my lack of commitment to exercise and my general fitness levels. But now, nearly 5 months on, I'm pleased to announce that I go to the gym! A hell of a lot actually :)

I joined a little under 4 weeks ago, and I've been 3 times a week since then. I can really feel a difference in my day to day like, which is boss. It's nice to know that it's going to keep getting better and better, and that there's no risk of losing the will to go, because at this current moment in time, going down and pumping some iron is the highlight of my day. Seriously, I love it.

Ever heard of a band called Seventh Wonder?

No?

I thought not.

I discovered this band thanks to the genius of Youtube, when I found the song One Last Goodbye from the album Mercy Falls in my 'recommended for you' section. I figured I might as well give it a go, because the chances are, it'd be something along the lines of Progressive Metal/Rock.

The song itself, didn't actually display any of these elements, but I bloody loved it. It was a great little ballad with some amazing vocal melodies. I decided i'd Spotify it, to see if the rest of the album was as good as the one song I'd heard.

It's safe to say it was.

In all honesty, this is one of the best albums I've ever heard. The musicianship, lyrics, arrangements and production are all as close to perfect as they can possibly be.

It's a concept album about a Comatose car crash victim, who dreams he's in a place called Mercy Falls. In the meantime his son decides to donate Bone Marrow to hopefully bring his Dad out of the coma. It doesn't work for some reason, and the man's wife decides to turn off the life support machine. We then find out that the guy's son isn't actually his child, the result of being told this caused him to crash his car.

I implore you. Buy/Download/Spotify this album! You really, really won't regret it.

Anyway, I can't think of anything else to write. Oh yeah! The cut on my face has gone and my hand is nearly fully mended, which is nice. I'm still owed a pint by whoever reads this, which is nobody. So by that logic, I'm not owed a pint... safe.

In a bit!

Mackems.

First things first. This is a massive generalisation, and I don't mean to tar them all with the same brush. So if it comes across that way, Soz.

They're actually the most annoying little group of people you're ever likely to meet. .

The main shopping area in Scumderland is called 'The Bridges.' As you can see, it seems to be advertised by a Kings of Leon reject with a tea cosy on his head. I can only imagine that this is to entice young, hip and trendy teenager types to come and walk around the god forsaken place.

If they're anything like me (they're probably not) they'll immediately want to leave as soon as they enter. The population of the place consists of Kamikaze toddlers who seem to have some form of disorder where they suffer from permanent dizziness, Mums (or Mams) pushing about 17 babies in a pram the size of a tank, and Pensioners doing their weekly shop.

For me, as someone who likes to get from A to B using the most direct route possible, being in the Bridges actually makes me want to nail my balls to a tree and listen to those 2 little turdburglars from the X Factor on repeat, until my sanity ceases to be.

Mackems don't seem to possess peripheral vision. They'll stand there for a little bit, browsing at some stuff. Then just as I try to go past them, they'll take a step back and completely cut me off, usually followed by the deafening silence of them not apologising.

Being the lovely person that I am, I'm the one who'll actually move out of the way and let them get on with their lives. Even if I wasn't a nice person, I'd bloody have to. I'd be there for the rest of my life, otherwise. They'd probably just continue staring at me like I had 4 heads and onions for eyes, until one of us succumbed to the ravages of time.

I was in Tesco today, buying teabags and other such mind blowing items. When I was done, I paid at the self service thingymajig, which is usually a simple process, But wasn't today. Anyway, that's neither here or there

I accidentally forgot to pick up a fiver of the change I'd been given, So whilst I was packing my bag, and prepping myself for my re-entry into the Bridges, I heard a voice that sounded like a bag of iron filings go: "Oi, 'scuse me!"

I turned around to see a Tesco worker pointing towards the fiver, looking genuinely pissed off that I'd had the audacity to leave 5 Great British Pounds languishing in the change tray of the machine.

I went back to pick it up, and thanked the woman. She looked like I'd just punched her mum! (Or Mam) I'm pretty sure she snarled at me. I thought shop assistants (or whatever the hell her job is) where meant to be friendly?

My final complaint is about last Friday night, or about 2 O' clock Saturday morning if you want to be specific. I was walking home from watching a few films with the lovely residents of 3 Langton Close, when some lad came up to me and asked me to buy him some alcohol.

I thought it was a bit weird that he was asking me at this time of night, and that he needed someone to get it for him (He didn't look much younger than me, if at all), so I simply said (innocently enough) that nowhere was likely to be open.

So yeah, You'd expect him to say something along the lines of "Fair enough, I knew I was a stupid retard to ask someone at this time" But no... The little shit decided he'd quite like to give me a Kirkby Kiss.

It hurt quite a lot and made me be all "Wtf!?" and stuff. I Then realised that he was more than likely to carry on trying to hurt me, So naturally, I hit him, which made him run away... That was a nice surprise.

A few days on, and my hand still hurts and is all cut up from where I connected with his pathetic little face, and I have a stupid looking cut on my right cheek. But most of all, I came away with a renewed hatred of certain inhabitants of this Town... That's right! I called it a Town, not a city! Watch and learn kids.

Anyway... Buy me a pint to help me to recover from this ordeal?

In a bit.

It's been a while.

And to be honest, I'd completely forgotten about this thing. I'd like to say it's because i've been busy... but that would be a bit of a lie.

I've pretty much just been floating about since I've been back in Scumderland, trying to do things that make me feel like I'm being productive, and a lot of the time it works... until I stop, at which point I reflect on the day and come to the conclusion that I've done nothing with my day. I'm just an 'orrible Procrastinator.

I know I shouldn't moan, but the fact that I'm in uni for 10 hours a week doesn't help much either... It leaves me with a lot of free time do procrastinate... and I don't like it. Saying that, I probably like it more than being in Uni everyday for 6 hours.

The other day, I went down the Uni Bar to watch Sunderland vs. Liverpool, in which we where beaten by a Beach Ball... Oh well... such is life.

I would have got over the result quickly enough. But what I couldn't get over, was the Sunderland fans who where there too. Horrible little creatures.

At half time I went to get a pint, and whilst I was waiting, I heard one fat old man say to another fat old man: "Look at him" (I was wearing Liverpool shirt) "They should all be killed and thrown onto train tracks, like that Jamie Bulger kid."

Now, I'm all for a bit of inter fan banter, because obviously it's all part of the package of going to watch a match, whether it's on TV or actually at the ground.

But this was far from Banter. It was total disregard for human life... I wanted to throw up on him.

After that, one Mackem came over and pointed out that his mates across the room had been "Banned from the ground because of violence." so we should "Watch ourselves"

At that point I was ridiculously angry. There was absolutely no reason to say something like that. We'd done nothing except watched the match, and talked amongst ourselves.

It's not even as though they lost! They had no reason to want to try and knock some heads.

I'm not going to claim I'm rough as toast and hard as nails... but if they had have tried, I definitely wasn't going to stand by and let them.

At the end of the day, I just tell myself that they're bitter because they live in a rubbish city with no redeeming features to speak of, which is constantly and deservedly over shadowed by Newcastle: a genuinely nice place.

Anyway, there's my rant done and dusted. I'm off to listen to Muse's AWESOME new album, and to get this piece of bacon out from between my teeth.

Commitment.

I lack it...

Since Uni finished for the year, I'm becoming ever increasingly aware that my fitness levels are nowhere near as good as they used to be, and it does my head in.

I used to be really fit back in the day, when I used to swim for Ormskirk Otters. But obviously I don't anymore.

Towards the middle of 2nd year college, I used to run about 5 miles every other day. It was great, because obviously, I felt good physically. But it was also nice to just stick an album on, and run without having to worry about anything (apart from avoiding potential day ruining encounters with cars) Endorphins n all that good stuff would flow through the veins, and everything would be right in the little world that I was inhabiting for 45 minutes or so.

So basically, in an attempt to prevent myself turning into a human block of lard, I decided I would recreate the glory days when I could walk up the stairs without requiring a mahoooosive canister of oxygen.

Day One: Went for a run, did about 2.5 Miles... That's ok though, I didn't expect to be able to get straight back into it after such a long time out. I could just increase the mileage gradually over the weeks. Right?

Wrong.

I just stopped, and I don't know why... The run I did was really nice. I felt comfortable the whole time, the 7am sun was cracking the proverbial flags and I had some beltin' choons in my ears.

I came to the conclusion that I'm just a lazy waste of skin... And as of tomorrow at 7am, I'm going change it.

Honest...

How's that for an anti climactical end to my little fitness story? I'm actually a bit disappointed myself, because I spend ages thinking of things to write, then when I read it back, it's about as unimpressive as Sunderland's 'city' centre. (Apologies to any Mackems reading this... But, your hugely over glorified town is awful)

I subscribed to the Youtube account of someone called Kyle Landry the other day, after I stumbled upon his cover of The Beatles' Across the Universe, And really enjoyed it. However it wasn't until I saw his original composition 'The Separation' that I decided to subscribe.

I really love the whole Youtube 'celebrity' thing. This guy is the same age as me, but thousands of people know who he is, and look forward to his updates and hearing his music.

I think it's really cool, and would love to be in the same position as one of these people one day.

My video's have like 200 views each, despite one or 2 of them having some fairly good content in them (mainly my animations) I actually just cannot fathom how word of mouth has made this go so (deservedly) popular. It's freakin' insane yo.

Anyways, I'm done. My neck hurts and I need to sleep in order to get up in time to begin my fitness regime.

Wish me luck.

Peace out.