He says, She says.

Hello again. I've literally only just decided to bash out this blog after seeing something on the BBC News website. It's only going to be short because I only really have one point to make, so you'll just have to make do.

Apparently some 13 year old kid from America has climbed Mount Everest... What a massive show off.

I'm sure he's not, but in my head I can't help but imagine him to be one of those kids in school who's good at everything, and that naturally, the people who aren't good at everything think he's a colossal bellend. Like I say though, he's probably a nice, modest guy, who just so happens to climb massive mountains for the hell of it.

One thing that made me laugh my little cotton socks off, was the way it's reported on the BBC's website. It reads:

"A 13-year-old American boy has become the youngest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest, his family says.

Jordan Romero, from California, telephoned his mother from the peak of the world's highest mountain, she said."

His family says? It's almost as though the BBC doesn't believe them, I don't think I would either to be honest. If they had any confidence in him, it would surely say "it has been confirmed" or something along those lines... right? The way it is just makes it seem like it's all made up.

I'm waiting for my family to ring BBC Headquarters with news about me.

"A 20 year old boy has walked a tightrope across the Grand Canyon wearing high heel shoes whilst on fire as a way of celebrating the discovery of his ability to poo £50 notes, his family SAYS"

Phwoar, imagine the paper cuts, but on a positive note; imagine being able to say that you'd done a 50 pound poo... Better still, imagine the pooblicity!

I'll stop now...

The second block of text is what I have issues with. At the very end it says "she said" but the rest of the text doesn't really fit in with something that his Mum will have said... Unless she always refers to her son by his full name, and were he's from as well as referring to herself in the 3rd person.

"Jordan Romero, from California! Your tea's ready!"

I know it all makes sense when you read it the article. I just think that for all the professional reporters milling round the BBC, they could have done a slightly better job.

'ave a word BBC.

Bye.

Motivation

Motivation's the hardest thing to come by when you actually need it to get something done. It's always the way. I'd quite like to meet Sod (or Murphy, depending on your preference) and give them a good hard punch in the spleen for creating that bloody law.

I have a fair few things to hand in over the coming week, then, as far as I know I'm done for Summer, which will hopefully be a nice weight off of my shoulders.

• Today I managed to complete an essay that's been ruining my life for the last 4 or 5 days, and after reading through it, I was actually fairly happy with it. Feel like I might do well with that one.

• Then, I have to complete my digital effects project, which is a full on painstaking process... It's a lot less enjoyable than the finished product may lead you to think it was.

• Then finally I have to finish my website, which is crap. I hate doing it, and I hate the fact that it's a compulsory part of my course.

• Then I have to evaluate the crap that I make in no less than 1500 words.

Simply Stunning.

I seem to have lost any motivation that I had down the back of the settee, and i'll be damned if I have the motivation to look for it.

I honestly don't know were my will to put effort into Uni has gone. I think at the moment it's because it's practically the end of the year, and I just want it to end. The idea that there's a few last hurdles to clear first is about as inviting as a one to one meeting with Louie Spence... The bugger.

And before you write a sternly worded letter, I'm not homophobic, I'm loudpeoplewhodemandtobethecentreofattentionallthetime-phobic... so shut up.

Because it's so close to the end of the year, my friends up here are starting to go home for Summer. It's only been one so far, but that one's enough to leave me feeling pretty bummed out sometimes, which naturally, I don't like. I'll be fine once I'm back home too, but when I'm still up here, and the people who pretty much keep me sane go home, it's horrible.

I've decided to create a Dailybooth account to keep a 'diary' of what I get up to over the Summer. My aim is to write in it everyday... so to have something to write about everyday, I need to do something everyday... Y'get me blud?

With Dailybooth, you need to upload a picture with each post, so I'm obviously going to try and take a picture everyday too... It's probably less exciting to you than it is to me, but whatevz.

It's quite funny too... every post you do gets posted onto a live feed for literally everyone with an account to see, so I've had some comments off absolute strangers... One of which said:

"Oh you're cuuuuuuuuute :)"

So, yeah... go me for being cute...

This blog hasn't been very interesting, or funny for that matter. But I write them for myself, not you, and this time I don't fancy trying to be funny... Complain and I'll throw a TV at you.

T'rah.

Boom.

This blog is nothing to do with anything that goes boom. I just couldn't think of a title. Sorry to get your hopes up.

Anyway! It's been a bloody long time since I last wrote something. My creative juices generally flow better when something's rubbed me the wrong way, but at the moment, that hasn't happened.

I'm almost completely at peace with the world. I have a positive zen. My Chi is positive.

Maybe I should take up Yoga? I did it on Wii fit once, but I really struggle with bending in strange ways, so it was a fairly unpleasant experience.

I'm back in Sunderland now. It's not too bad. The weather's been fairly good, and I'm not actually in Uni that much, so I can't really complain.

We've started going to the cinema every Tuesday, which I think is really good. It means I can spend time with my favourite people (no matter how much they bully me... nob'eads.) But it's also a good chance to go and see some good films with relatively little hassle, because the Pictures are just down the road.

I rarely go to the pictures back home, just because of the effort involved. It's not hard to get to, it's just jumping on the train for 10 minutes to Aintree, but that's more effort than it is up here. I only have to walk for 10 minutes and I'm there.

It's really cheap up here too. On a Tuesday it's £2.95 for any film. Well done Sunderland, you've done something right.

__________________________________________________________________

Ok, so it's a couple of hours since I wrote the above writing, and I've been told that it's a rubbish blog. Not funny or anything. So as a means of keeping everyone happy (I'm all about that kind of thing, being a swell guy and all that) I've decided to have a birrof a grumble.

This time it's going to be about adverts. Not like "OMG Dese advertz av cum on wile I wotsh mi filmz so dey iz interrupting innit' It's going to be about the content of 3 adverts that I regularly voice my disapproval of. It probably gets boring for anybody who regularly watches TV with me, but until something's done about these televised monstrosities, I'm not going to shut up.

ADVERT NUMBER 1

I'm going to start with the one that makes me the angriest, which is this one:

Now, you may wonder what my problem is, so I'll list them, before inevitably exploding as a direct result of severe prolonged irritation.

So yeah... My first problem is DANNII BLOODY MINOGUE. She first crops up at about 5 seconds with some old bint and some skinny bint. Look at her and tell me that you honestly don't want to throw sharp things at her. You can't, can you? I'm pretty sure not even Mummy Minogue could love that Vinyl Hockey Mask of a face.

She appears again at about 12 seconds with her face looking like her surgeon pumped about a litre too much botox into her already motionless face. It makes me want to climb into the TV and beat her to death with that life ring that she's using to frame her ugly mug.

I feel a bit bad for shouting about her though really... It's not her fault she's the crap member of her family.

My second problem with this advert is that sodding walk that they insist on doing. You get a good look at it at 31 seconds. It looks like they've all borrowed a leg off someone about a foot taller than them, resulting in them doing this bouncy walk.

I think it's meant to signify 'attitude' or something... To me, it just signifies Iwanttobattereverysingleoneofthemtitude... AMIRITE?

Oh look, there's Dannii Minogue being a bellend wearing a trilby... What an insufferable moron.

My Third problem is the music... I just don't like it.

ADVERT NUMBER 2

I can't find a video for this one, so I'll just have to hope you've seen it and understand what I'm talking about.

It's the advert for Santander Bank, I think. And it involves some fella riding round on a bike made out of Lego. Whilst he cycles round, he sees various other things made out of lego. There's a lot of stuff going on in the advert, but my only real problem is the bit in which the kid sees a group of people moving a settee made of Lego into a house... *takes a deep breath*

The people are clearly struggling! It's fair enough, settee's are generally quite large, and doors are generally quite tall and thin, but the thing is guys... THE SOFA IS MADE OF LEGO!

It doesn't take a genius to work out that you should have taken the box with all the individual Lego bricks to the spec that you wanted the sofa to be, then build it from scratch! It would have saved a hell of a time.

Banks are meant to be filled with clever people who know the best way to do money stuff... If Santander are a bit too dim to realise the shortcomings of their Lego Metaphor, I'm not sure people should trust them with their money.

Go to Halifax instead... They have a singing, dancing man from Birmingham.

ADVERT NUMBER 3

My final rage inducing clip is Dis 1 yo:

I have a massive problem with adverts that show foreign people talking to each other in English. If you're going for a concept that has no fantasy aspect to it, why don't you just go all out and have English people talking to each other? It's less annoying, I know that much.

I'm aware that Petit Filous is French, which explains the need for French kids... But for the love of God, just put subtitles. It's probably easier than beating the kids into speaking broken English (Because that's clearly how it works)

My final problem is the little kid kissing the other little kid to solve her problem of having no Yoghurt. For one, it's a bad influence on little kids. They're going to grow up thinking that if they ever have a problem, they can solve it by kissing any old Tom, Dick or Harry... That's how people like Jordan became famous.

My other problem with the kiss is that the lad clearly had no Yoghurt on his lips, he was actually a fairly neat eater for a 5 year old, or however old he was, so in doing so, the little girl gained nothing, except for maybe an unhealthy reputation of being a bit of a town bike.

I can see it now:

"Sacre Bleus Francois! I've heard she'll get off with you for a pot of Petit Filous!"

"Yeah? I wonder how far she'll go for a Petit Filous and a Mars Bar..."

Ok, so I'm at the end of my patience now. Trying to think of all my gripes with adverts is pretty difficult. Hopefully I've made this post a bit more interesting for those who moaned about the shorter version... If it hasn't, Go away, I don't know what more you want from me.

In a bit.

New laptop yo!

The insurance company finally pulled their finger out and actually sent me a shiny new laptop, so I'm blogging away in the Library at Uni, whilst keeping Sarah company; offering words of encouragement as she attempts to take down a particularly bad mo' fo' of an essay. I've even gone to the café for her a few times to provide her with Lucozade.

Friend of the Year Award? Gerron on my Mantlepiece.

I'm mainly writing because i'm bored, so God knows what kind of direction this is going to go in. It's going to be an absolute roller coaster ride... Or not, depending on your idea of excitement.

One thing I do want to say though, is how much I'm looking forward to the Easter holiday. It feels like years since I was last home, even though it's only been 3 months. I'm well and truly fed up of the routine of Uni now, so to get away from Sunderland for a few weeks is going to be sweet

I'm also really excited about going to Keswick; one of my all time favourite places. It'll be boss :)

Another thing that's occurin' over Easter is my Birthday. As if I'm going to be 20.

I didn't want to be one of many people who, during the run up to the actual day, are all like "I'm scared of turning 20, I won't be a teenager anymore"

So?

I, for one am not even slightly arsed. Age doesn't mean a thing. Sure, it has connotations of maturity and stuff, but that's it... just connotations, nothing else. If you don't want to feel grown up, you don't have to. It's not like you actually change mentally.

Even when they do turn 20, they'll "prbably stl tipe lyk dis" thus rendering them a dufus toddler.

Actual example of an absolute halfwit typing, taken from everyone's favourite website, Facey-B:

"Kant wait to c a cirten person on sat :):)"

Seriously? Eurgh. It's actually easier to type properly than in that stupid way! And why replace 'C' with a 'K'? It's the same bleedin' sound, you absolute frube.

Another thing that goes hand in hand with Birthdays is the 'obligatory' night out. Where I won't be getting absolutely bevvied. I've gone right off it.

It's nice to have a few drinks and stuff...Maybe get a bit merry. But I'm completely over the "regularly drink yourself stupid" stage. The Hangover and loss of memory just isn't worth it. I'd rather have a good time, but wake up feeling good the next day.

What a square I am.

Right... That's all I can think of writing about.

In a bit x

Blah blah blah... Title.

I have every right to moan in this blog. It's been an absolute shocker of a week, it's just been one thing after another. Physically I'm fine apart from two mazzy blisters on my foot... I'm just well and truly fed up of things.

The main 'thing' being the fact that my bastarding laptop only went and got itself nicked didn't it.

Are you sitting comfortably? Right, I'll begin, so shut up and listen.

Rewind back to last Wednesday, the 24th of February. I'd been in Uni for the whole day doing the various remedial tasks I'd been set as part of my thrilling course. By the time I was done, I really needed to let off some steam, so I went to the Gym.

After I'd transformed myself into Lou Ferrigno (The fella who played the Hulk) I returned home with the intention of eating my body weight in Fish Fingers and refreshing facebook 300 times per minute.

My chances of performing the latter were decreased dramatically when I discovered that my little rectangle of fold-out joy wasn't in its usual spec next to my bed, innocently charging away.

Some Mackem bellends have somehow literally walked into my house, then into my room, taken what they thought was the most expensive item, then walked out.

Now, My laptop wasn't what it used to be; Half of the keys were gimpy and falling off, the ventilation system had a metric tonne of dust stuck in it and the brand new charger I bought for it (after the old one broke) only worked when it was at a certain angle. In a way, the thieves have done me a favour, because I get a brand spanking new laptop, and they'll probably get a fiver for it, if that.

I wouldn't be surprised to come home one day to find that they've broken back in and given it back with a full written apology on a post-it note stuck to the lid.

Obviously that'll never happen though, everybody knows Mackems can't write. LOL AM I RITE?

The thing that's pissed me off about the whole situation is the fact that the oppurtunist bastards had obviously seen someone leave the front door of the house slighty ajar and decided to make their move. What gives them the right to do that? Nothing does.

Scum. Sub human scum.

The amount of crime I've been somehow linked with in the last year or so is unreal.

• At the end of last Summer, I witnessed an armed robbery.
• At the start of second year Uni, I got nutted.
• My housemates Girlfriend's car got broken into.
• My Good friend 'The Slaternator's' car got broken into, And
• My Laptop got nicked.

As a result of all this, I'm honestly considering joining the Police after I'm done with Uni. Instead of just getting annoyed at the nobheads who commit the crimes, I can realistically do something about them.

The fact that I'm doing a degree in Media isn't an issue for me, I'll be able to quote Stanley Cohen at the Crims whilst I send them down. And if Policing doesn't work out, I can always pursue a Media based career.

Anyway... If this is the last blog I ever write, it's because I've undoubtedly topped myself because of the psychological trauma that 'The Victim Support Helpline' (No idea how they got my number, or why they felt the need to ring at 8 in the morning) automatically assume I'm suffering because of the 'Victim's personal statement' that was forced kicking and screaming from my mouth by PC Plod of Northumbria Police.

Plod: "Go on mate. You must feel a little bit vulnerable, victimised, worried?"
Me: "Honestly, I'm not bothered"
Plod: "Just say something I can write down"
Me: "Erm..."
Plod: "Go on..."
Me: "I feel dead vulnerable and stuff... Honest... Can I go the cinema now?"


Right then, I think that's everything that happened, covered in a moderately interesting manner...

In a bit.

Weekends

This is just going to be a mini moan at myself.

I remember when I used to skateboard. I used to look forward to every single weekend because it meant there'd be no School and I could spend almost the whole thing just skating and having a laugh. I'd be gutted when it rained, as it meant I wouldn't be able to go out and skate and would have to find something else to do, which I usually managed, but it wasn't quite the same.

A few years on and I'm at Uni. I really don't look forward to weekends any more. They're probably worse than weekdays in terms of entertainment value, And I always have a horrible feeling at the back of my mind that because it's the weekend, I should make the most of it while it lasts.

I never do. BrInG oN dA wEekdaYz LoL!

Anyway, It's currently Lent, and has been since Wednesday just gone. It ends on the 3rd of April... I think.

I don't believe in any of the Spiritual side of it, but I like to use the opportunity to give up something, and hopefully feel better for it.

After a hell of a lot of deliberation, I've decided that I'm going to give up drinking excessively... Beginning with no drinking whatsoever for the first 2 weeks or so. Just to be boss like that.

Anyway, I've got nothing to say anymore... Bye.

Whaaaaa?

It's been a while! How the hell are you?

I don't really have much to say in this blog, so it'll just be short. I'm only really writing it to kill time before my lecture starts.

Semester 2 started at Uni today, and I'm actually sort of looking forward to it, but at the same time, I'm not.

It's safe to say that since returning to Sunderland I've done pretty much nothing. I completed an essay and handed it in. After that, I've pretty much vegged out as much as is humanly possible. I've got into the routine of:

• Waking up
• Sitting round until about 2
• Leaving my house for something pointless
• Returning, then sitting round until about 8/9
• Going out (Depending on what day it is)
  
• And going home to bed.

Rinse and Repeat... It was alright for about a day, but then it got really boring.

So in a way, beginning lectures again gives me the chance to get into a routine that is actually worthwhilse, and it feels good... Even though I did manage to come to Uni an hour too early, But hey, at least it means I'm not going to be late :)

On the other hand, a downside to lectures starting up again is the fact that it is undoubtedly Semester 2... Meaning it's closer to Summer than it was at the start of Semester 1.

Uni is flying by so, so quickly, and it worries me. In next to no time it'll all be over and it'll be back to living at home (Which is good, believe me) But it's the people I've met here that I'll miss.

It may be over a year and a half away, but at the rate that time is flying by, that's no time at all.

Pretty soon we'll all be living in different corners of the country again. We won't be able to go out of an evening, or pop round every now and then and see each other. I know there's facebook and MSN and all those other thingymajiggs that'll make it easy to keep in touch, but it's not quite the same as seeing them in person.

Thank God for National Express. It may absolutely ravage your wallet when you use it, but these people have become my absolute bezzies, and no amount is too much to pay.

I've made myself sad now... Stupid blog.

I swear I had a little bit more to talk about, but my mind has gone completely blank.

...

I have French people living with me now! They're really nice n' all that, but, they say Hello to me, then carry on talking to each other in French whilst i'm still there. I know it's not rude or anything, because it's their native language, and I don't expect them to involve me in their conversation... But bloody hell, it's uncomfortable, especially when they laugh at the same time... I can't help but think they're laughing at me... It's a nightmare.

Anyway, I literally cannot think of anything else to write about, so I'm off.

Adios.

It's Brass Monkeys

Isn't it?!

Britain's going through a 'cold snap' according to the News... Well, according to everyone really. You'd have to be a bit of a halfwit to be unaware of the majestic blanket of white ('ello poetic) that's been covering our fair land since Monday night/Tuesday morning.

I love the way the News reports the cold snap. Obviously when it first happened, it was News. But then, the next day it's less so. Then the next day, even less so. Surely they're going to run out of things to say eventually? There's only so many different degrees to cold weather (Pun intended, Sorry... There's a good joke later on, I promise)

The stages are basically:

1. It gets a bit nippy,
2. It snows,
3. Southerners Panic (Apologies to any of my Southern friends... But you know it's true :] )
4. It eventually melts, and life goes on.

I'm dying to turn on the TV one day to see Jon Snow (The perfect man for the job with that surname) simply go; in true Ollie Williams fashion: "IT'S STILL COLD!"

That would absolutely make my life.

My Dad got an E-mail of Diane Oxberry yesterday, She's the weather lady for North West tonight by the way... Yup, my Dad knows famous people.

This E-Mail said that the North West should expect some 'Organised Snow'

Pardon my ignorance... But what might that be? How can snow be organised? It's possibly one of the most disorganised things I've ever witnessed... And I'm a Student, so that's definitely saying something.

My Mum wins, because she suggested that maybe organised snow, is snow that falls as ready made Snowmen, so we don't have to go out and build them. I think that's a boss idea.

I was watching ITV News yesterday, and they seem to have so little to say about the weather that they're just showing gratuitous clips of people falling over!

Personally, I think that's completely out of order. Seriously. People know it's slippy! It sort of comes with the territory when it's icy! There's no need to show people footage of some poor woman going arse over tit! It's not chuffing FailBlog!

I half expected the caption to be "Whaaayyy! Who fell over?! Who fell over?!"

I think what annoyed me most about the clip, is the fact that the camera crew have clearly gone out to get an interview from someone, but they've seen a few people slipping at that particular spot. So, they've set up the camera there waiting for it to happen again, just to prove a point that doesn't need to be proved.

I know all this because I'm a Media Studies student... obviously.

This woman's now going to be the laughing stock of Youtube. She'll be 'that woman who fell over on National TV, then got pasted all over the net for people to have a massive giggle at.'

If I was her, I would definitely take them to court. I'm not sure how well it'd stand up in court. (Probably better than it'd stand up in a street in Bristol... WHAYY!) But she should have a go, then share the money with me for feeling sorry for her.

ITV are stupid.

Now I'm off to write a sternly worded letter.

A Tribute...

First of all. I have 5 followers, one of which, I've never met before, which is cool. So, Hello! Thanks for following :)

On a more serious note, on Tuesday the 22nd of December, at 9pm in Fazakerley Hospital, My Grandad passed away.

It was something that had been coming for a long time, him having been diagnosed with Alzheimer's 4 years ago. So in a way, it softened the blow and made things a little bit easier for everybody, but obviously, it's never easy enough.

My whole family (especially my Mum, Grandma and Uncles) are at the stage where almost everything they've said in the last few days is about him, and the way he was. The kind of things he used to say have been passed down through the years and I doubt you'd go a day without saying something that could be traced back to him.

A lot of people will tell you that I have a really 'bad' sense of humour, based around Puns and strange little sayings, but I'm glad I do. It's almost exclusively a result of my Grandad.

I've been told that the Church is going to be absolutely packed for his Funeral, simply because of the amount of people he knew through the various things he did.

I don't think you'll find a single house in the Merseyside area that he hasn't done some kind of work on. Then, in his later life he became a Eucharistic Minister, which is something he was totally devoted to.

If anybody deserves a place in Heaven, it's him.

Here's to you Grandad Jim.

R.I.P. x

Ha'way I'm Gannin' doon to Durham like pet.

I went to Durham on Monday night. It's a stupidly nice place.

I felt kind of bad that I only really went to have a night out. I feel like it deserved more attention from me, like I should have stayed longer and seen more of it, Especially the Cathedral and Castle, they're mega impressive.

I reckon after Christmas I might actually just have a day trip there to see the sights, and not just get pissed.

Loveshack is boss though, If you're gonna get pissed, you should go there.

When I was in the editing room today at Uni, I started to play around 'Garage band' on the Macs. I'd seen it a few times, but had never actually given it a go, so I decided to have a play.

It's really cool. You can record loads of different tracks, and play a Midi Piano using the keyboard, so you can actually play in real time. It has ooooodles of different sounds as well, so you can create whole songs. Sweet as a Nut la.

So I started wondering if there's an alternative product for Windows that basically lets you do the same thing. Yeahhhh... There's not.

A lot of things claim to be exactly the same and stuff, but they're really, really not.

One programme that was recommended was something called Magix Music Maker. I'd already downloaded loads of free trials of other programmes, so I couldn't be arsed downloading another one.

I did a quick search for a tutorial video instead, and came across this absolute ballbag.

His name's Benjamin and he'll probably seduce your kids.

It's annoying that all these programmes basically work around pre made tracks... so you literally just put them in order and play them back... Where's the fun in that?

I like Macs, but they should get off their high horse and let Garageband work on Windows...Or for Windows to stop being rubbish and make a programme that is exactly the same. For creativity's sake.

Apparently they had one in the works, but for some reason, nothing ever came of it... Instead, Bill Gates, the King of the Nerds just wastes time hiring these absolute melvins to say that the new operating system 'Windows 7' was their idea.

No it wasn't you absolute jebends, you're actors... Not very good ones at that.

Nerdy people make me giggle. If they're not flying round a virtual world pretending to be a dragon or something, they're going to Presentations by Steve Jobs then cheering and laughing when he says words like "iPod" and "Phone."

Check out 2:30 onwards... That's when the audience really lose their minds and start to reach for their inhalers.

It makes me wonder if they would do the same if he was making a butty.

"Bread" *Woop*

"Butter" *Woop*

"Cheese!" *Woop*

He mentions that it's a revolutionary mobile phone, but honestly, I don't see how the Mobile can advance any further than it has done... They're mobile... and you can call your Mum on it.

What more can be done?

Tell ya what, Stevie boy. Stick a time machine and a toastie maker on it, and then I'll sit and watch your Presentation with the same level excitement as the fellas in the video.

For the iPhone, there's an advert that states that you can get an application that can help you learn the Alphabet. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that if you don't know the Alphabet, the chances of you being able to use an iPhone are slim to none. Am I Right?

The only people who are in the position to need to learn the Alphabet are little kids between the age of about 2 and 3... and if they actually own an iPhone... Well, that's just bad parenting on the part of... Well, their Parents... Believe it or not.

In other news, we finally finished our film for our Uni production... We had some serious problems, and needed to refilm, so guess who stepped up to the plate... Yup! Li'l ol' me.

I don't like acting... If you could call it that.

That is all.

If anyone...

Ever tells you that making a film is an easy process. Give 'em a good hard punch in the head and tell them Si sent you.

My dearest Mother shouted at me over the phone the other day because she's had a look at this blog, and apparently I'm "too negative." I can sort of see where she's coming from.

A lot of my blogging is done because something's annoyed me, and I find it therapeutic to have a little rant about it. It's rarely an actual, full on rant though, I like to think that I'm going about it a light hearted way, as shown by my use of bad jokes and various other 'comic' devices. I'm very rarely funny through writing... But at least I try... Right?

But yeah, The amount of rants that I actually have in this blog outweigh the posts where I'm generally just talking about my life and stuff... so I can see why my Mum might think I have a bleak outlook on life...

But I don't!

I love my life. I have no problems that actually make me unhappy. Sure, the whole situation with this film I'm making for one of my Modules is a bit of a ball ache, but it doesn't actually get me down, because I know that the chances of it working out just fine, and getting a product I'm actually proud of, are pretty high.

Everything else is freakin' dandy.

I honestly, really love my life.

I just like to have a bit of a rant from time to time so that I don't get all full of annoyances until I eventually lose my mind and start walking along motorway embankments, warning Hedgehogs that they'll come to a sticky end if they don't remember to use the Green Cross Code.

So yeah. I'm happy... I'd be even happier if I was a Youtube celebrity... But until that happens...I'm sorted.

Happy Mum? :)

Argh, My eyes...

I'm back in the David Goldman building having my senses raped by the sheer ridiculousness of the god forsaken place. There's also a guy sitting near me with a really annoying voice... kind of a mixture between Frank Spencer and any given member of any given London based hip hop group.

I wish I didn't have to keep coming here to kill some time between lectures, but since the actual Library got better computers, for some reason the number of them has gone down by about half, so your about as likely to get on one as Michael Owen is to be given a hero's welcome at Anfield.

I could just walk home and come back when it's actually time for my 5 o' clock Lecture, but it's just so tedious, and I'd only be bored when I got home...

Anyway... I'm rambling.

Don't you just hate those desks that have an inexpicable metal bar at about knee height?

I'm sitting at one as we speak... As I got here, I pushed my self under eagerly, because I was just so excited to write when both my knees connected with the bar at approximately 400mph.

I'm now I'm in pain.

Right then! Because the start of a brand new year is fast approaching, I decided that I should start some kind of project that'll hopefully turn me into to be a Youtube celebrity, and we all know how much I want to be one of them (see previous posts for details).

I know it's been done before, probably hundreds of times, but I'm going to take a picture of myself every day for a year and then compile them into a video slideshow at the end of the 365 days. It's completely pointless, and I gain literally nothing from it, but once again, it's just one of those things that helps to make life a little bit more fun, even if it is only for me.

I might even get prettier over the course of the year. If that happens, I'm going try and pin point the exact picture when I become an absolute God to women.

The good thing is, it'll take literally 10 seconds a day, so i'd have to be a proper lazy bastard to lose motivation. And I honestly think it's an interesting little experiment.

I'm also going to try and be more creative next year too. I used to be crazy into stop frame animation, and have still got some of my best work up on my Youtube page, but nowadays I can't really think of anything to animate, so I don't really do it anymore... Which is pretty devastating. All I do now a days is sit on my bed and refresh Facebook and Twitter and stuff... My life is boss.

I don't usually make New Years resolutions, mainly because I never make an effort to keep them, but I think 2010 should be different, I'm going to make a few and put loads of effort into keeping them. Hopefully they'll have a positive effect on my everyday life, which can never be a bad thing, can it?

So here goes, In no particular order:

1. Don't Die.
2. Take a picture of myself everyday for the duration of the year.
3. Stop taking the piss out of Sunderland, and have a more positive outlook on it.
4. Start, or join a band that actually plays gigs 'n stuff.
5. Get back into stop motion animation.
6. Stay healthy.
7. Moan less.

I'll probably add more as I think of them, But I'd say 7 is enough for now.

Anyway, that's all from me for now, I'll leave you with Sir Mark of Knopfler being a genius.

Auf Wiederschnitzel.

This one really is short.

I mean really short.

If you ever, ever call where you're from: 'Something-Vegas' I am going to hunt you down and shoot you in the eye with a cross bow.

That is all.

Holy...

2 posts in 2 days Batman!

This one's not going to be very long. But I felt the need to have a ponder about those foods that just aren't worth the effort.

The one that really gets my boxers in a bunch, is Spaghetti.

I don't know what Luigi or Gianfranco or any other stereotypical Italian name you can think of where thinking when they decided they'd create a type of pasta that actually makes you angry.

First of all, it comes in sticks about a mile long, so instead of just chucking it into the pan, you have to wait for it to go floppy and bend it gradually until it all fits... That's 3 or 4 minutes I'm never going to get back! I could have used that time to do something productive like watching about 10 episodes of 'Purple and Brown,' or clips of the Swedish Chef for God's sake!

(You'll notice, if you click on the Swedish Chef link... Spaghetti is involved... I'm not just a pretty face, I think you'll find.)

So yeah... when it's all cooked and whatnot, you have to drain it. That's fair enough, but because it's a stupid shape, and it's all thin and stuff, it manages to escape through the holes in the Colander... which is seriously annoying, because it gets stuck in the plug and goes all scatty and slimy.

Everyone knows what happens when you try to eat the stuff... It goes literally everywhere. It collects whatever you've decided to mix it with, and moves it onto your face, and makes you make this horrible slurpy noises that the world would be better off without.

When I was doing some 'research' for this little blogette... I came across this...

I don't care what anyone says... It is physically impossible to eat Spaghetti without looking stupid, or putting someone else off their food. My Grandad tried to teach me the way years and years ago, and I still come away looking like this guy:

What Luigi and Gianfranco need to realise is: 'If it ain't broke, don't try to fix it'

Stick to making Pasta Bow Ties, and make the world a much better place.

Ciao.

Thoughts from the David Goldman building.

Seriously, whoever designed this building needs an absolute slap. I bet that Sunderland Uni approached a mackem tramp chosen at random, handed him a Gregg's Steak Bake and a Pencil and asked him to design the most ridiculous building imaginable. The tramp probably accepted the challenge and set about drawing. After that he probably offered to design the Uni's webspace for them, and the Uni probably accepted... It really is Piss Poor.

The place is a Bat's worst nightmare. It has no parallel lines, so echoes bounce round for about a year before they finally get back to where they came from It's ridiculous, every wall sort of heads inwards, causing some kind of horrible bottleneck designed to trap students whilst they desperately try to get to their lectures. It honestly looks like it's been designed using one of those bendy rulers and a Spirograph (Don't even pretend you don't remember those beasty things)

Some of the classroom walls aren't even finished, they reach about three quarters of the way up the room, and then stop. So, should you be unlucky enough to have a lesson in them, you can hear everything that's going on in the 'Library' section, which you'd think would be pretty quiet, but it's not. The whole place has one of those Swimming bath-esque echoes, You know the type. It's like a constant wall of faint noise, but every now and then someone's voice will cut through then disappear as quickly as it arrived. You half expect to hear the sound of someone diving in, or the sound of a lifeguard or something... It's very weird. I kid you not, sometimes I have to double check that i'm wearing clothes and that I haven't just turned up wearing some speedos... Ok... That's not true.

Anyway, I'm just going to say that The David Goldman Building is a personification of the people of Sunderland: Warm, Funny and Very Quirky... Wait... that's not true either... Scratch that, I'll change it to: Funny Looking, Inexplicable and Very Unpleasant.

Right then, that's my Obligatory crack at Sunderland out of the way... Next up... Certain people, whose names I won't mention because I'm scared of confrontation in the real world.

Facebook is involved in this one again and it kind of follows on from my last Facebook based rant, but it's not about the same dickhead person, before you ask.

Now, I'm no psychologist, But all I can decipher from the profile I'm looking at right now, is that this person is incredibly insecure about who they actually are, and as a result, they feel the need to 'bend' the truth about their personality.

The basis of their profile is basically "I'm pure independent and no one can tell me what to do"

If I'd never met this person, then I'd probably think that that was true, carry on with my life, and probably find someone else to be annoyed by. But, because I have met this person, it annoys me to read several different things that I've seen no evidence of in the year and a half I've known them.

Apparently this person is "Feisty."

They seem to think that they're this insanely outspoken individual who people'll think twice about confronting, but I've never ever seen this. I've seen confrontations with the person, where, more often than not, the other person has come away as the 'Winner' so to speak.

To me, 'Feisty' is one of those little yappy dogs that are all up in yo' grill (well... yo' shin, but you get the idea) but can be sorted out easily by giving it a swift kick over a hedge or something.

The main thing that makes me and a few others (they know who they are) want to push this individual in front of a bus is the mention of being in a 'Long Distance Relationship.'

Honestly, I have no problem at all with people in Long Distance Relationships, in fact, I respect them a lot for having the ability to make it work despite rarely seeing each other in person. It's just when people actually mention it all the chuffin' time, That's when it really starts to tickle my arse hair.

To me, it seems that you're mentioning it in order to obtain some kind of badge of honour that says you have strength and commitment to keep the relationship going. Thing is... The person in question lives less than 30 miles away from their other half, You can drive that in less than hour, therefore it's not long distance!

Christ on a Bike.

To sum up... The person I'm talking about is insecure, has completely false information on their facebook profile, and annoys the absolute hell out of me... so much so, I thought I'd give them a mention in my blog.

If you're going to lie on your profile, at least make it cool... Something along the lines of 'I'm a Centaur' is fine by me... That'd be sick.

In a bit skids!

Facebook to (re)invent yourself?

If you've ever done this, I actually hate you... and the person you used to be for that matter.

This is something that I've noticed countless times recently whilst killing some time on the pet-peeve creating, procrastination machine known as Facebook.

Essentially, it's all just one big popularity contest, so I guess it makes sense to a lot of people to create this alter ego that absent minded people who 'LyK 2 GeT PiSsD EvRy NyT lol x' will appreciate. BUT, recently I saw one profile that actually made me angry, especially as I knew the person used to be the kind of person that I described earlier.

In the 4 years since I've seen this person, they've gone from being Chavvy McChaverson to the definition of Profundity "I raided Dot Cotton's wardrobe and came away with all this old stuff that i'll continue to wear because no one else is"

Their music list consists of artists that they think no one has heard of, or will admit to liking...because they're alternative like that.

Their book list consists of a few authors with Japanese sounding names.. In High School, I'm not even sure they had the ability to read English, let alone scribblings from the Orient.

Don't even get me started on their photo albums. Apparently this person doesn't want to advance into the digital age with everybody else. The photos are actually taken on a film camera, and scanned into an album with a pretentious name.

Now, this is fine by me if you're actually a photographer, you know what you're doing, and you take pictures of interesting things that I want to look at. It's not fine by me when I have to see analogue pictures of you being an idiot in various pretentious settings.

The mindset of this irritating person can be summed up by the following quote by that politician Sarah Palin: "Only dead fish go with the flow" (That's right, I did some research for this blog! Well, I knew the quote, just not who said it) Not only are they an idiot for thinking that they're awesome for not going with 'the flow,' they're also an idiot for ignoring a basic zoological fact.

Take the Atlantic Herring, for example. These fish swim in groups known as a School (or a shoal, depending on the size) in order to increase their chances of survival. Now, I may be wrong, but I'd say that this is a pretty good example of going with the flow, no? It's pretty rare that one fish decides to don their Grandma's clothes, listen to a band that 8 people have heard of and stick his middle fish finger up at Herring society.

In the countless hours that I've spent watching nature programmes such as Planet Earth, and in Particular Nature's Great Events, I've learnt that the Fish that do go against the flow tend to wind up getting their heads bitten off by hungry bears... A fate that I would quite like to see befall the individual that I'm talking about.

There's my analogy... I know which group I'd rather be part of.

Only thing is... I actually have respect for those fish that swim hundreds of miles in order to spawn... Whereas it's clear to see that I have no respect for a pretentious retard in 1930's clothing.

Over and Out!

Thought of the day

I absolutely don't understand why North Eastern people say words like 'Path' and 'Bath' the correct Northern way. But when it comes to saying words like 'Master' and 'Plaster,' they say the incorrect Southern way.

It honestly confuses the bejeezus out of me. It's also pretty annoying when they tell me that I'm not Northern, because they'll regularly display more Southern properties than me.

Barstards. (See what I did there?)

Hope you're all listening to Seventh Wonder still.

Over and Out.

Bloggin' for the Lulz.

'Sup skids?

I haven't really got an idea of what I want to write in this Blog, so it'll probably be just a run down of various things that I've thought about since last time, which to be honest, isn't a great deal.

Oh my Jesus, this brew is top notch, if I do say so myself.

I've started using Twitter a little bit more recently. I don't know what it is, but I like the idea that I'm a part (a tiny one, mind you... like a washer, or something) of something big, that has the potential to be even bigger.

I'm still not entirely sure of the whole purpose of it though. Like...what does anyone actually gain from it?

I reckon a part of it is to simply make life that little bit more enjoyable. When I read people's updates, it always seems to me, that they're doing something productive and fun, And by 'tweeting' about it, it might encourage their followers to do the same... Maybe... I don't know... That's my theory, feel free to do better.

A little while back, I wrote a Blog, In which, amongst other things, I talked about my lack of commitment to exercise and my general fitness levels. But now, nearly 5 months on, I'm pleased to announce that I go to the gym! A hell of a lot actually :)

I joined a little under 4 weeks ago, and I've been 3 times a week since then. I can really feel a difference in my day to day like, which is boss. It's nice to know that it's going to keep getting better and better, and that there's no risk of losing the will to go, because at this current moment in time, going down and pumping some iron is the highlight of my day. Seriously, I love it.

Ever heard of a band called Seventh Wonder?

No?

I thought not.

I discovered this band thanks to the genius of Youtube, when I found the song One Last Goodbye from the album Mercy Falls in my 'recommended for you' section. I figured I might as well give it a go, because the chances are, it'd be something along the lines of Progressive Metal/Rock.

The song itself, didn't actually display any of these elements, but I bloody loved it. It was a great little ballad with some amazing vocal melodies. I decided i'd Spotify it, to see if the rest of the album was as good as the one song I'd heard.

It's safe to say it was.

In all honesty, this is one of the best albums I've ever heard. The musicianship, lyrics, arrangements and production are all as close to perfect as they can possibly be.

It's a concept album about a Comatose car crash victim, who dreams he's in a place called Mercy Falls. In the meantime his son decides to donate Bone Marrow to hopefully bring his Dad out of the coma. It doesn't work for some reason, and the man's wife decides to turn off the life support machine. We then find out that the guy's son isn't actually his child, the result of being told this caused him to crash his car.

I implore you. Buy/Download/Spotify this album! You really, really won't regret it.

Anyway, I can't think of anything else to write. Oh yeah! The cut on my face has gone and my hand is nearly fully mended, which is nice. I'm still owed a pint by whoever reads this, which is nobody. So by that logic, I'm not owed a pint... safe.

In a bit!